Introduction: The Hidden Trap of High Expectations
Do you ever feel like the more you want something, the harder it is to achieve it? You prepare for months—maybe years—for a job interview, a crucial presentation, or a big competition. You tell yourself and everyone else how much it means to you. And then, when the moment arrives, you freeze. Your mind goes blank, your hands shake, and the outcome is far below your potential.
This is the paradox of high stakes. The more pressure we put on ourselves, the worse we perform. Olympic figure skater Ilia Malinin knows this all too well. After proclaiming himself the "QuadG0D" and declaring he had "broken physics," he set the mental stakes sky-high for the 2026 Winter Olympics. The result? He fell twice on the ice and placed a shocking eighth. But just weeks later, at the World Championships, he completely transformed his mindset—and won gold. What changed? He applied a simple but powerful psychological technique: lowering the stakes.
This article is for informational purposes only and does not constitute professional psychological advice. For personalized guidance, please consult a licensed therapist or coach.

How to Lower the Stakes: 3 Actionable Steps You Can Use Today
The concept of lowering the stakes is not about caring less; it's about shifting your focus from the outcome to the experience. Here are three concrete ways to apply this technique in your own high-pressure situations:
1. Reframe Your Goal: From "Must Win" to "Let's Explore"
Instead of setting a rigid, outcome-based goal (e.g., "I must get this job" or "I have to win the competition"), redefine your goal as an opportunity for exploration and growth.
- Example: Instead of thinking, "I need to ace this interview," tell yourself, "I'm curious to learn more about this role and see if it's a good fit for both of us."
- Why it works: This shifts your brain from a threat-response mode (fight-or-flight) to a reward-seeking mode, reducing cortisol and improving cognitive flexibility.
2. Use the "Love of the Sport" Mindset
Alysa Liu, Malinin's teammate, returned from retirement not to prove anything, but simply to share her love of skating. She said she was competing to show off her new hair and makeup and have fun. She won gold.
- Action: Before your next big event, write down at least three things you genuinely enjoy about the activity itself. Is it the creativity? The problem-solving? The connection with the audience?
- Practice: During your preparation, spend 5 minutes focusing solely on these joyful aspects. Let them be your anchor.
3. The "Redemption Event" Trap: Let Go of the Narrative
Malinin initially framed the World Championships as a "redemption event"—a story that added immense pressure. He only succeeded when he let go of that narrative and decided to skate for himself.
- Checklist for Letting Go:
- Identify the story you are telling yourself (e.g., "This is my last chance," "Everyone is watching").
- Ask: Is this story helping me or hurting me?
- Replace it with a neutral or positive story (e.g., "This is just one of many opportunities to perform").
- Take three deep breaths and mentally repeat your new story.
Pro Tip: The night before a big event, avoid reviewing your goals or reading motivational quotes about winning. Instead, watch a funny movie, call a friend, or do something completely unrelated to the event. This helps your brain disengage from the pressure.

The Science Behind Lowering the Stakes: Why It Works
The psychological principle at play here is known as "choking under pressure" or the Yerkes-Dodson Law, which states that performance increases with mental arousal (stress) only up to a certain point. Beyond that, performance sharply declines. Lowering the stakes helps you stay in the optimal arousal zone—not too relaxed, not too anxious.
Key Psychological Mechanisms:
- Reduced Cortisol Levels: High stakes trigger the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, which impairs fine motor skills and decision-making. By lowering the perceived importance of an event, you reduce cortisol and allow your brain to function normally.
- Increased Flow State: When you focus on the process rather than the outcome, you are more likely to enter a "flow state"—a state of complete immersion and effortless performance.
- Self-Determination Theory: This theory suggests that intrinsic motivation (doing something for the love of it) leads to better performance than extrinsic motivation (doing something for a reward or to avoid punishment). Lowering the stakes shifts your motivation from extrinsic to intrinsic.
Quick Reference Table: High Stakes vs. Lowered Stakes
| Aspect | High Stakes Mindset | Lowered Stakes Mindset |
|---|---|---|
| Focus | Outcome (win/lose) | Process (enjoy/learn) |
| Self-Talk | "I must succeed or else..." | "I'm here to give my best and have fun" |
| Physiology | High cortisol, muscle tension | Optimal arousal, relaxed focus |
| Performance | Inconsistent, prone to errors | Consistent, peak performance |
| Example | Malinin at Olympics (8th place) | Malinin at Worlds (Gold) |
Q&A: Real-World Applications
Q: I have a huge product demo next week. I've been preparing for months. How do I lower the stakes without seeming unprepared?
A: Preparation and mindset are two different things. Being prepared is essential—you should know your product inside out. But when you step into the room, shift your intention from "I have to close this deal" to "I want to help this client solve a problem." Focus on listening and being curious about their needs. This not only reduces your pressure but also makes you more empathetic and effective.
Q: What if the stakes are genuinely high—like a life-saving surgery or a critical business decision? Isn't it dangerous to lower them?
A: Excellent question. Lowering the stakes doesn't mean being careless or reducing the importance of the task. It means managing your internal pressure so you can perform at your best. A surgeon who is overly anxious is more likely to make a mistake. By reframing the event as "I am well-prepared and I will focus on each step carefully," they can reduce anxiety while maintaining precision. The key is to separate the objective importance of the event from the subjective pressure you put on yourself.

Conclusion: Your Turn to Lower the Stakes
Ilia Malinin's journey from Olympic disappointment to world champion is a powerful reminder that success is not just about talent or hard work—it's about the mental frame you bring to the moment. By lowering the stakes, you free yourself from the weight of your own expectations and allow your true abilities to shine.
Your action for today: Think of one upcoming high-pressure situation, no matter how small. Apply just one of the three techniques above. It could be a meeting, a conversation, or even a personal goal. Notice how your body and mind respond. You might be surprised at the results.
Remember: The goal is not to care less, but to care in a way that empowers you. You have the skills. You have the preparation. Now, give yourself permission to enjoy the process and let the outcome take care of itself.
Together Reading
- How to Talk to a Child Who Shuts Down About School (Backed by Psychology)
- The Science of Awakening Experiences: How to Glimpse a Wider Reality in Daily Life
Reference / Source
- Psychology Today: A Simple Mind Trick to Help You Succeed